Can't Keep a Relationship? It Might Be a Sign of Borderline Personality Disorder, Connect Wellness

You're not alone.

Of all the experiences we share as humans, developing healthy and stable relationships is probably the most rewarding, as well as the most challenging. Truly connecting with another person, whether it’s with a family member, friend, or significant other, requires us to manage our own sense of self while being exposed to another person who has a whole other set of life experiences and a different way of expressing their feelings.


Trust, respect, and clear communication all play a role in developing lasting, stable, and healthy relationships. This all sounds terrific and sensible, but as we all know, relationships — even the healthiest ones — ebb and flow. But if you can’t seem to keep a relationship, have you ever wondered whether something else might be going on?


If your life is characterized by a constant series of beginnings and endings with familiar intense feelings of abandonment and rejection, there may be something other than bad karma or luck at play. Rod Amiri, MD, Executive Director at Connect Wellness in Beverly Hills, California, offers his perspective on borderline personality disorder and how it makes sustaining a relationship nearly impossible. 

Feelings run hot and cold

Borderline personality disorder is a serious and complicated mental health condition that affects an estimated four million people in the United States. Sufferers can be incredibly charming and intelligent, enabling them to draw people to them. The flipside of the coin is that they have a distorted view of themselves, and an intense longing for intimacy. Add to that mix highly changeable emotions that run from the highest of highs, where the other person can do no wrong, to the lowest of lows, where they completely loathe the other person, and you’ll start to better understand why relationships with those suffering from borderline personality disorder often fail.

Relationships riddled by instability and insecurity

When your view of yourself and the world around you are off kilter, and you only see the extremes, it’s nearly impossible to truly connect with other people. A person suffering from borderline personality disorder struggles to hold onto the thing they want the most — important intimate relationships — while at the same time often pushing people away before they have the chance to hurt them by leaving. This pattern of instability and insecurity is often accompanied by ongoing feelings of emptiness as well as intense and inappropriate anger, sabotaging any hope of having healthy relationships. Typically, a person with this mental health disorder cycles through one relationship after another after another, looking for that elusive person who will fill their void.

Effective treatment is available

In addition to the notable rollercoaster-like symptoms typically seen with cases of borderline personality disorder, patients living with this mental health condition may have self-injury tendencies like cutting, as well as other mental illnesses like post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety issues, bipolar disorder, and major depression. Although the many complex layers and symptoms may make the prognosis seem bleak, the good news is that borderline personality disorder can be effectively treated.


Here at Connect Wellness we successfully help patients with borderline personality disorder manage their symptoms through our intensive outpatient program, or IOP. Dr. Amiri personally leads this program, which is delivered over the course of 90 days in a 36-session curriculum.


The Connect Wellness mental health IOP uses evidence-based therapies, such as mindfulness-based therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and dialectical behavior therapy. All sessions are held in the evening, making it easier for you to take care of work, home, and other responsibilities during the day. The IOP features both group sessions and one-on-one therapy. Your ongoing progress is our only concern, so if you’re working with your own therapist, you don’t have to switch over to ours. Our goal is to help you learn how to live a fuller, more productive life with stable and healthy relationships.


If you recognize cycles of instability in your life and think you may have borderline personality disorder, contact Connect Wellness to book a mental health evaluation. Call us at 310-881-8643 or make an appointment online today.

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